[Column] 28th of 11th day of a month, I can’t imagine myself giving in yet

I know I sound cynical and sometimes pessimistic.
That’s because I want to keep hope.

Major sea contamination could be anticipated from the day zero. They have no clue to decrease the contaminated water. Everything is going as exactly logically predicted.

Now the only “solution” is to wait some genius to invent a miracle technology to remove the molten fuel. Until then, we can do nothing but acting as if everything was alright like a camel in a desert.

It’s easy to despair. Living everyday life with the secret despair deep in your mind feels sweet, try to think we are already in “nirvana”. Nothing is scary. We are all gona die… It sounds somewhat “wise” and it wouldn’t break your human relationship.
When everyone falls into temptation to despair, it looks foolish to stand alone.
It may look like Don Quixote, sound like the boy who cried wolf.

However, if everyone gives up, who is supposed to inform the world ?

People are strange. In Hollywood movies, the world is devastating, media tell lie, ignorant people simply die. Everyone likes to see it.
What about the reality ? No one wants to see, or even listens to the actual situation in Fukushima. They can’t even put up with imagining what is going to happen there shortly.
This is why I quit watching a movie or reading a novel this day 28 months ago.

As I thought in the morning of 3/12/2011, nothing has been settled yet. Everyone is already forgetting.
Japanese government controlled all the information to avoid panic.
To me, it looks like they postponed the public panic from 3/11/2011 to some years later. 311 or some other time. It comes anyway.

Even among readers, it’s almost like a taboo to talk about Fukushima Diary in public. It’s not only because they are thought to be “overly nervous about radiation”, but also they have a risk to be pressured by the authority.
The more the health problems appear, actual contamination situation is known, the more nervous they will be.
I know what I’m doing.
On the other hand, for example the facebook group of Fukushima Diary is still growing. Still more and more people are joining the group.
Why ? Because there are almost no other sources to know Fukushima situation. People who have their family and friends around in Fukushima, how could they know what is going on there ?
It’s all my responsibility.
This is the fight between money and spirit.
I’m a damn bad loser. My mother was always telling me that.

If they win, they get money. Even if I win, I get nothing. I just don’t want to admit the fact that we all have to be deceived without any option. I can’t accept myself giving in.

Someone said I’m idealist because I’m young. I don’t think so. I think because you gave in, you are old.



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Français :

[Édito] 11e jour du 28e mois, je ne me vois toujours pas céder


Je sais que je peux avoir l’air cynique et parfois pessimiste.
C’est parce que je veux garder espoir.

La contamination majeure de la mer peut être anticipée depuis le premier jour. Ils n’ont aucune piste pour réduire les eaux contaminées. Tout se passe exactement comme c’était logiquement prévu.

La seule “solution” à présent est d’attendre qu’un génie invente une technique miracle pour retirer les combustibles fondus. Tant qu’on ne l’a pas, on ne peut rien faire d’autre que faire comme si tout allait bien, comme un chameau dans un désert.

C’est facile de perdre espoir. Vivre tous les jours avec un profond désespoir enfoui en soi a l’air doux, essayer de penser qu’on est déjà au “nirvana”. Rien ne fait peur. On va tous mourir … Ça semble “sage” quelque part et ça ne perturbera pas les relations avec les autres.
Quand tout le monde cède à la tentation du désespoir, il semble fou de se dresser tout seul.
Ça peut ressembler à Don Quichotte, où à l’enfant qui criait au loup.

Cependant, si tout le monde abandonne, qui est supposé informer le monde ?

Les gens sont bizarres. Dans les films d’Hollywood, le monde est dévasté, la presse ment, les ignorants meurent, tout simplement. Tout le monde aime voir ça.
Et la réalité ? Personne ne veut voir ou même écouter la situation réelle de Fukushima. Ils ne peuvent même pas se mettre à imaginer ce qui va s’y passer très bientôt.
C’est pour ça que j’ai arrêté de regarder des films ou de lire des romans, aujourd’hui d’il y a 28 mois.

Comme je le pensais au matin du 12 mars 2011, rien n’est encore réglé. Tout le monde est déjà en train de l’oublier.
Le gouvernement japonais a contrôlé toutes les informations pour éviter la panique.
Pour moi, c’est comme s’ils avaient repoussé la panique générale du 11 mars 2011 sur quelques années. Un 11 mars ou un autre. Ça va arriver de toute façon.

Même parmi les lecteurs, c’est toujours comme tabou de parler du Fukushima Diary en public. Ce n’est pas seulement parce qu’ils sont vus comme “exagérément soucieux de la radioactivité” mais aussi parce qu’ils ont le risque de pression des autorités.
Plus les problèmes de santé apparaissent, plus l’état de la contamination réelle est connue, plus ils en deviennent nerveux.
Je sais ce que je fais.
D’un autre côté, par exemple, le groupe du Fukushima Diary sur Facebook grossit toujours. Il y a toujours de plus en plus de gens qui rejoignent le groupe.
Pourquoi ? Parce qu’il n’y a pratiquement aucune autre source pour avoir la situation à Fukushima. Les gens qui ont de leur famille et des amis autour de Fukushima, comment peuvent-ils savoir ce qui s’y passe ?
C’est entièrement de ma responsabilité.
C’est le combat entre l’argent et l’esprit.
Je suis un sacré mauvais perdant. Ma mère me l’a toujours dit.

S’ils gagnent, ils font de l’argent. Même si je gagne, je n’aurai rien. Je ne veux simplement pas admettre le fait que nous devons être trompés sans autre choix possible. Je ne peux pas accepter de céder.

Certains disent que je suis un idéaliste parce que je suis jeune. Je ne pense pas. Je pense que c’est en cédant qu’on devient vieux.

Merci de votre soutien. Les virements mensuels sont aussi très utiles !

  1. “Someone said I’m idealist because I’m young. I don’t think so. I think because you gave in, you are old.”


  2. The FD-fr still keeps to increase too (while I still don’t have clicked on “Like).

    If to stand up when alone is a feature restricted to “young idealists”, I am an old “young idealist” too, and, more important, peoples like the mahatma Gandhi, Malcolm X, Stephane Hessel, even the Gal De Gaulle, along with plenty of other whistleblowers & resistants are/have been “young idealists”, isn’t it?

    Mahatma Gandhi summarized that in his time:
    “An error does not become truth by reason of multiplied propagation, nor does truth become error because nobody sees it.”

    NB: He won.

  3. Your last line made me cry. The young have energy to move forward; the old should chuck their cynicism and instead of accepting the bullshit and shrugging, help the young (and “idealistic”), with their knowledge and experience.

    Without this bridge between young and old minds, idealists and pragmatists, we are all lost.

    Most people I know are just trying to get through another day. They can’t think about these things because it is too big, too hopeless, and no one knows what to do. But you are doing it. Communicating.

    It is a communications issue, but not only that; it’s a spiritual issue. For me, it is personal. Because people like you are out there trying to keep others informed, THIS is really a reason for me to live. It’s hard when you’re just sitting in front of the computer and you cannot see the lives you change or hear the voices of people like me saying: Thank you for all you do.
    I can’t overstate how important it is.

  4. You are right about everything. And yes, the taboo on talking about Fukushima is SO TRUE. You simply cannot talk about it within Japanese society, unless you are at an anti-nuke gathering, or you have a close friend who feels the same way. If you do try to talk about it, look out — you will get the “is she still talking about this” attitude. And/or be criticized for being too worried about radiation.
    The standard attitude is, “there is nothing we can do about it, so don’t talk about it.”

  5. “I’m a Damn Bad Loser” is kinda edgy.. makes you sound like Michael Jackson. (despite it sounds like i hate MJ from previous post i try to look at him rather as a Great Spirit than a Human Being)

    i think “Sore Loser” is prolly better.. u want to say “まけず ぎらい makkezu girai” right.. ‘even if youre wrong you dont like to admit defeat’. its kinda like how the voice actor for Charlie Brown was recently arrested for stalking a woman who scammed poopy money out of him. then you look behind the scenes of the author of Snoopy & all you’ll find is perverse lolita obsessive lust. point being all sources of a loser is found in desire.

    Don Quixote is a great example.. just replace the ‘windmills’ in the fable with Nuclear Reactors. a windmill could do just about anything.. can grind wheat with the gyration & aesthetically beautiful above all.. u can even tie your wife to the propeller to shut her up. so in contrast, whats the first description that comes to mind for a Nuclear Reactor? i think the overwhelming adjective would be UGLY. some famous scientist remarked ‘all nuclear reactors are is just a severely complex & expensive (& not to mention dangerous) way to boil water’.. thats all those sparks & plugs are actually doing. a steamy romance. i just cringe in pity when i think how they decorate the reactors in Japan in contemporary poster design to make then ‘blend in’ to the clouds & sky. what blasphemy. but thats a hint tho.. UGLY.. what creates ugly is beauty, just as life causes death. a newborn baby makes us feel hope, but a rotting corpse of someone who was raped 10 years ago doesnt turn them on.

    Ugly = Minikui みにくい 醜い

    its the true face of a hysterical woman & a betrayed young man.

    “Ooont kis karwat baithta hai”

    (In a sandstorm) Let us see which way the camel sits.


  6. You may feel alone, but be sure you are not. You are for many people the only light in a dark night, the only way to get real information. Every day I`m on your site. Thank you for that. John

  7. Beyond despair. Now, new hope. We will all survive this. In tatters, it is true. Eventually, we will pull it together. We will thrive. Be sure.

  8. Monsieur,
    je vous remercie pour le travail que vous réalisez. Je regarde votre site très régulièrement, je ne peux trop parler de cette situation à mes connaissances car je crois qu’ils préfèrent ignorer.
    courage à vous

  9. Thank you so much for your blog and courage: do not give in! We need you, someone like you? not a foreigner but a japanese who know what you talk about. I really love your country: i will come in Hokkaido this august, but when i read your blog i will cancel my trip from Tokyo: we really don’t have a clue about what is coming: to Japan, to the world. I will come to Hokkaido but i’m to afraid to come to Tokyo…it’s not you who are a loser (about what your mother said) but us, the rest of the world who live as is everything is alright.
    Sorry for my bad english i’m french.
    I don’t find the words to tell you what i feel: please, hold on!

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About this site

This website updates the latest news about the Fukushima nuclear plant and also archives the past news from 2011. Because it's always updated and added live, articles, categories and the tags are not necessarily fitted in the latest format.
I am the writer of this website. About page remains in 2014. This is because my memory about 311 was clearer than now, 2023, and I think it can have a historical value. Now I'm living in Romania with 3 cats as an independent data scientist.
Actually, nothing has progressed in the plant since 2011. We still don't even know what is going on inside. They must keep cooling the crippled reactors by water, but additionally groundwater keeps flowing into the reactor buildings from the broken parts. This is why highly contaminated water is always produced more than it can circulate. Tepco is planning to officially discharge this water to the Pacific but Tritium is still remaining in it. They dilute this with seawater so that it is legally safe, but scientifically the same amount of radioactive tritium is contained. They say it is safe to discharge, but none of them have drunk it.